Too bad Randall Cunningham and the rest of the Minnesota Vikings choked in the NFC championship game. Yeah, Joe Sixpack lost a bundle on those miserable weasels – but, even worse, we all lost a perfect opportunity to guzzle one of the more appropriately named beers on Super Bowl Sunday.
It is, I believe, the only beer with a real Viking on the label. He’s Thorfinn Hausakluif, the Seventh Viking Earl of Orkney – the original Purple People Eater. This dude ruled with an iron fist, terrorizing enemies and taking no prisoners. He would have been a middle linebacker.
And the Scottish strong ale they named after him is equally powerful, boasting an 8.5 percent alcohol kick and a very smooth but potent taste. SkullSplitter was made for a head-banging afternoon of testosterone-powered TV-watching, rooting for the Vikings to take apart the AFC patsy.
Unfortunately, NFC fans are left with the Falcons – a buncha flipping birds. Bullfeathers!
I checked it out: The only appropriately named beer is something called Falcon Lagrad Gammelbrygd. Aside from the fact it is impossible to pronounce, the suds are brewed in Sweden.
Sweden? That ain’t no beer-drinking country!
What are red-blooded American football fans left with on Super Sunday? Georgia’s most notable brewery is Miller. Colorado, meanwhile, plagues the world with Coors.
Egad. Bring on the Bud Bowl.