Plastic seats, now plastic beer

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 Veterans Stadium: Home of plastic seats, plastic grass and, for the first time ever, plastic beer.

Beer bottled not in glass but in plastic made its ballpark debut at yesterday’s home opener.

The synthetic suds – 16-ounce containers of Miller Lite – go for $5. That’s 25 cents more and three or more ounces fewer than the stadium’s draft brew.

Though beer-drinking purists may shudder at the aesthetic assault of ballpark plastic, the new bottles do allow fans to carry them to their seat without waiting for a vendor to slop the contents into a cup.

Miller Brewing, which has been test-marketing plastic bottles for several months, claims drinkers should be unable to detect any difference in the plasticized brew. Joe Sixpack would note that this being light beer, it’s unlikely drinkers will detect any taste, period.

But neither aesthetics nor taste are the issue here.

At a stadium known for the occasional violently hurled seat-to-field missiles, arming inebriated fans with potential projectiles may be regarded as a South Philly-style dare. Filled with beer, these rock-hard bottles would leave a sizable dent upon re-entry.

Vendors, however, are under orders to remove the cap first. A pitched pint, presumably, would lose much of its contents before finding its target.

Ogden general manager Brian Hastings said the concessionaire was keeping its eye on the possible threat of plastic beer. “The first sign of trouble, we’ll review our policy,” he said.

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