Now is the time for all real men to partake of real beer

If patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel, then hawking “real beer” to “real men” is surely the last refuge of a beer advertiser.

Now it’s Genesee’s turn to glom onto the oft-abused demographic. The brewery’s latest press release declares, “Genesee Beer’s strength in the marketplace is as a good honest beer at a great price. It has a high appeal with regular guys who want a real good beer – with no frills and nothing pretentious. ”

Genesee thus joins Rheingold, “for the few real men still left. ”

And Miller, who declared, “You’re a High Life man, and you’re not scared to admit it. ”

And Coors, who boasted it’s the “last real beer. ”

The only one of the bunch I’d trust is Ziggy Socky, the official beer of Comedy Central’s “The Man Show,” which claims it’s “the ultimate beer for real men. ” Made by Panther Brewing (the folks who churn out Three Stooges Beer), Ziggy Socky is designed for those who’d rather chug, not savor, their beer.

For a real laugh, though, check out the ads for Arrowhead Beer (“real beer for real men”) at www.arrowheadbeer.com. The brewery unabashedly admits it “uses only the purest and highest quality water in North America: Lake Arrowhead [which is] also used by the Crestline Sewage Department and the Apple Valley Nuclear Power Facility.. . . ”

Naturally, a few Madison Avenue contrarians are starting to turn out what USA Today calls a “new generation of beer commercials” that focuses on assertive women.

Among the new ads:

* Amstel Light, featuring a woman who can open a bottle with her teeth. (A classic Freudian fantasy.)

* Foster Lager, with a woman who crushes an empty on her forehead. (A classic Harley-Davidson fantasy.)

* Miller Lite, with a pair of women scoping out guys and buying them beer. (In your dreams, pal. )

Bud I

“It’s the original Budweiser. It’s better than that American crap.” – Australian shopkeeper, describing a bottle of the Budejovicky Budvar to an Anheuser-Busch investigator.

The comment turned up during a trial in which A-B is seeking to halt sales of Budvar in Australia. The St. Louis beer borgs claim beer drinkers are mistakenly purchasing the tasty Czech brew instead of their own American crap.

Bud II

Laid off and need a drink? Head south, to SeaWorld in Florida.

The Orlando Sentinel reports the Anheuser-Busch-owned theme park now offers two free cases of beer a month to workers 21 years or older.

Look for upcoming performances of Shamu the Hungover Whale.

Beer radar

Speaking of hangovers, Bass announced this week it’s cutting back the alcohol in its Caffrey’s Ale. Apparently customers complained its 4.9 percent alcohol strength was causing hangovers. The alcohol content has been dropped to 4.2 percent. . .

It’s May, and that means it’s National Tavern Month. Taverns across America will mark the occasion by putting out fresh beer coasters and cleaning the urinal.

Calendar

Tonight – Woodchuck cider promo at the Grey Lodge Pub, 6235 Frankford Ave., Mayfair. Starts at 9 p.m.

May 19 – Brandywine Valley Craftbrewers’ Festival, 1-5 p.m., $20 at door, $15 online. Twenty regional breweries, live music. Iron Hill Brewery & Restaurant, Church and State streets, Media. Info: 610-627-9000.

May 23 – Feast Of St. Boisterous, Victory Brewing’s annual homage to Spring. The 6:30 p.m. beer dinner features a variety of the Downingtown brewery’s beers. Tix: $40. Info: 610-873-0881, ext. 115.

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