Yearly Archives: 2010

The important parts of your new home bar: Ice bucket & tongs

LAST WEEK, I urged you to build a home bar. It’s good for your soul.

What I forgot to mention is that, if your bar is not properly equipped and stocked for home parties this holiday season, your soul is damned. For deliverance, I turned to the Good Book, which is to say the newest edition of “Bartending for Dummies” (Wiley, $16.99). Its author, Ray Foley, is the publisher of Bartender Magazine and founder of the Bartender Hall of Fame, so he kinda knows his way around a bar.

“The most important thing,” he told me, “is an ice bucket and ice tongs. Man, I don’t want anybody putting their hands on my ice. The guy picks and nose and gets your ice – do you want that? “

OK, then . . . moving on, Foley says to keep it simple.

It’s nice to provide a selection of glasses for tall drinks, rocks and beer, he said. “But I’ll tell you what a shortcut is: wine glasses. “

White wine glasses can handle a mixed drink and – when it comes to beer – about half of a 12-ounce bottle. No, they aren’t perfect; your bar ought to be stocked with English pints, Belgian tulips, slim pilsners, tall glasses for German wheat beer and snifters for barley wine. But in a pinch, a white wine glass shows off the color of your beer and won’t impede the aroma.

Make sure they’re clean. Foley said a dishwasher is best, because it won’t leave soap residue, which kills the head. “And never pour milk into a beer glass,” he warned. “That’ll ruin a glass forever. “

Ice, glasses, what else? Beer!

Foley said if you’re also serving wine and cocktails, a dozen bottles should be enough. Right . . .

Since it’s all beer at my place, I’ve developed a complex, incredibly precise formula to predict consumption. It’s based on the length of the party, the number of guests (minus .5 for each female, plus .5 for each Irishman), the average age of the crowd, exterior temperature and the volume on the stereo.

Then I trash the whole thing and buy as many cases as I can fit into my car trunk.

The important thing is an assortment: light/dark, mild/strong, sweet/hoppy. Many craft breweries package variety packs with just the right mix. For example, Victory Brewing Co.’s variety case contains its full-bodied, amber Victory Lager, refreshing Prima Pils, bitter HopDevil and warming Golden Monkey.

I know what you’re thinking: Maybe somebody won’t enjoy all of that full-flavored craft beer goodness. Maybe someone would prefer a (gasp) light beer.

Don’t fall into that trap.

If you’re going to go to all the trouble of preparing a meal – the hot appetizers, the funky cheese, the freshly baked bread – then take a few minutes to select a real beer. Stocking the fridge with Miller Lite for a holiday party is the beer equivalent of tossing a plastic-wrapped loaf of Wonder Bread onto the serving table and declaring, “Dinner is served. “

Mainly, it’s those bitter hops that light beer drinkers dislike. So offer a German wheat beer like Paulaner Hefe-Weizen, or a sweet Belgian-style ale like Ommegang Abbey Ale.

But don’t get too wrapped up in finding an alternative.

First, you are under no obligation to cater to people who dwell at the bottom of the food chain. Indeed, consider this an opportunity to upgrade your friends’ beer palates. Maybe they’ll serve something better next time you stop by their place.

And second, most of your guests will have whatever you’re serving . . . as long as you use ice tongs.

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Belly up to the bar – your own bar, that is

YOU’RE A GROWN-UP – it’s about time you had your own bar.

Not your kitchen counter. And not that folding card table you set up with a half-dozen bottles of cheap liquor whenever your buddies show up on poker night. I’m talking about a real bar, with running water and a beer fridge where you don’t have to make room for boxes of Juicy Juice.

I’m going to tell you what you need for your own bar, but first let me tell you why.

As much as I enjoy hanging out at the neighborhood pub, my basement bar is the place where I feel most at home – and not just because I’m in charge of the TV remote control.

It is an expression of my manliness, I suppose: my cave. A leather sofa, a bookcase and a place for my stuff. The lighted Ortlieb’s sign rescued from a demolished bar; the souvenir seat slats I brought home from the last Phillies game played at old Connie Mack Stadium; the treasured prints of dogs playing poker.

It is a haven. It is also a welcome mat.

One longtime reader, a guy named John Rosborough from Drexel Hill, says friends are the favorite thing about his bar, which he calls Penny Lane Pub.

“It’s the feeling of my core group of guys,” Rosborough told me not long ago. “It’s a bond, a feeling, maybe like ‘Cheers’ was on TV. When people come to my house, they have the best time. . . . It’s just a nice, warm, tight feeling.

“Many people have told me it’s their favorite bar in the world. “

Rosborough has done his up big time, with mirrors, Beatles memorabilia and a 100-year-old brass cash register. He also has a draft system that uses smaller, easy-to-kick one-sixth kegs (or sixtels). That way he’s not stuck with the same brand for more than a few weeks.

I usually advise against Kegerators unless you’re prepared to spend about a half-hour a month cleaning the tap lines. Otherwise, you’re going to be drinking a lot of bad beer. If you want draft beer for parties, chill a keg in a large ice tub and use a party pump.

Here’s what you really need:

_ A place. The basement is optimal because it’s largely soundproof and out of sight. But it’s not the only place. One of my neighbors built his bar on an outdoor patio so he can hose it down the next morning.

_ A flat surface. Depending on your space, it should be 42 inches high, with room for bar stools. It can be made of anything, even a piece of trash-picked junk.

_ A refrigerator. You can convert the old one you pulled from your kitchen, but do the environment a favor and buy something smaller and more efficient. Warehouse stores like BJ’s and Costco sell nice glass-door wine refrigerators. Replace the curved wine bottle holders with flat shelves, available from any restaurant supplier.

_ A sink with running water. You can live without drinking water, but eventually you have to wash out the glasses.

_ An air filtration system. Even if you ban cigars, you’ll need to clear the air after a night of Mexican beer and tacos.

_ A television. Preferably one that blacks out “Project Runway.”

_ A couch. Bar stools are fine, but a soft place to sack out is even better.

_ Dimmable lighting. It’s got to be bright enough to tell the difference between a four and five of spades, low enough to accommodate tomorrow morning’s hangover.

_ A wall-mounted bottle opener. No matter what, I guarantee you will misplace your bottle opener unless you nail it to the wall.

Pre-Prohibition brews weren’t the tastiest beers

IF WE’RE living in the best of beer times – an unprecedented era of expansive choice, inventive styles and technological superiority – how do you explain the aberration that’s come to be called Pre-Pro?

Now, you can count me among the corps of traditionalists who hold it as an article of faith that older is better than new. I prefer worn jeans, experienced women and baseball played on grass.

But there’s no way that you’ll convince me that beer brewed before the invention of the flip-top can was any better, or even more “authentic,” than what we’re drinking today.

Nonetheless, nostalgia-minded brewers have jumped in the Wayback Machine to dig up old recipes from those heady days of yore. Session Lager from Full Steam calls itself “a classic all-malt pre-Prohibition style lager. ” Nebraska’s Lucky Bucket says its pre-Prohibition style “salutes a time when lagers had greater character and more distinct flavor, when beer wasn’t full of the additives found in many of today’s mainstream lagers. ” Brooklyn Lager describes itself as “a revival of Brooklyn’s pre-Prohibition all-malt beers. “

All of these are fine beers. Pure, smooth, malty, refreshing and satisfying, they’re exactly what you might imagine filled those kegs that Carrie Nation smashed with her ax.

Only none of them is what our great-grandfathers were actually drinking before the Prohibition. By the time the 18th Amendment rolled around, America was already hooked on corn and rice.

Scroll through the authoritative 1902 “American Handy-Book of the Brewing, Malting and Auxiliary Trades” by R. Wahl & M. Henius (go ahead, it’s on Google Books), and you’ll find that by the early 20th century, U.S. brewers had adopted and praised corn and rice as suitable adjuncts to traditional barley malt.

Really, they had little choice.

By then, beer-drinkers around the world were favoring clear, golden and light over murky, brown and heavy. Bohemia had its Pilsener, Germany had its Helles . . . and America?

Well, America’s brewing giants – Adolphus Busch and Frederick Pabst and Joseph Schlitz – couldn’t match the Europeans. Their malt was produced from domestic six-row barley, a variety that contains more protein than the two-row barley favored in Europe. More protein means unsightly haze and a harsher flavor.

The solution was adjunct ingredients. Corn and rice could smooth out the flavor and reduce the haze without adding body.

Brewers found that the cereals “not only gave a paler color, greater stability and other valuable properties to the beer,” the Wahl and Henius guide reports, “but also enabled beers to be produced more cheaply, and its adoption speedily became general. “

“All-malt Pre-Pro Lager,” it turns out, is a contradiction of terms.

If you really want a true taste of what was flowing in saloons way back when, do yourself a favor and track down a glass of Batch 19 made by – hold onto your mugs – Coors.

According to the brewery, the new lager (initially available only in five test markets, including Washington, D.C.) is based on a recipe from a brewer’s log dating to just before the Prohibition. The company isn’t saying, but I’m guessing from its sweetness there’s a good bit of corn.

It’s robust, quite smooth, medium-bodied and satisfying.

Which is more than just a little ironic.

For, if Batch 19 is truly authentic, then this fine lager was the first step toward the evil known as Coors Light. After Prohibition, big brewers would continue to lighten their recipes, adding still more cheap adjuncts, softening the bitterness and watering the beers down till they were utterly lifeless.

Kind of makes you wonder why any craft brewer would want to make a Pre-Pro.

Beer baron cemetery tour

You can get a good taste of what I’m talking about Oct. 23 when West Mount Laurel Cemetery hosts one of the coolest beer-drinking events I’ve encountered. It’s a home-brew contest combined with a one-of-a-kind tour of the graves and mausoleums of Philadelphia’s beer barons.

Hohenadel, Bergdoll, Poth, Betz, Bergner, Engel, Schmidt – the greatest names in Philly’s beer-making history – are laid out on the rolling hills of this scenic cemetery.

Brewing historian Rich Wagner will recount their stories and lead a tour of their resting places. At each stop, you can taste homebrewed versions of the Pre-Pro beers these men produced.

Joe Sixpack will be on hand as a judge. Proceeds benefit the preservation of West Laurel Hill Cemetery and the Mission Fund of St. Timothy’s Episcopal Church in Roxborough. Tix are just $10, and that gets you a custom pint glass and hors d’oeuvres. The event runs from 3-5 p.m. Tix and info: 610-668-4258 or http://alturl.com/bpjd5.

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Words can’t describe… But it’s Oktoberfest in Munich, so we’re going to try

MUNICH’S OKTOBERFEST is either mankind’s lowest form of depravity, or its highest.

I’m just back from a few nights in the festival’s famed brewery tents – during which I enjoyed everything from too many liters of lager to the cacophony of a Bavarian folk band’s version of the White Stripes’ “Seven Nation Army” – and I can’t decide.

I’m going to describe the scene, but with one stipulation. Oktoberfest cannot be described. It is too big, too loud, too awful, too wonderful for words.

This was the 200th anniversary of its inception. It all began as a royal wedding celebration, and it has grown into the largest annual event of any kind in the world. In the space of 17 days in September and October, more than 6 million people flock to a 103-acre expanse of asphalt and compacted dirt that Bavarians still perversely call the “Wiesn,” or “meadow. “

There are roller coasters and Ferris wheels and roasted chicken and chocolate-covered grapes. There are beautiful girls in shape-enhancing dirndls and hairy men in horribly revealing lederhosen. There is hugging and singing and clapping and weaving and dancing and crying.

Most of all, there is beer – raised in toasts, spilled to the floor, guzzled in delight.

All of it comes from Munich’s six breweries: Lowenbrau, Hacker-Pschorr, Hofbrau, Augustiner, Spaten and Paulaner (who, I should disclose, hosted me for the festival). The mayor of Munich taps the first keg in a quaint, time-honored ceremony, but for the most part that’s the last barrel you’ll see.

Instead, much of the beer is delivered to the festival grounds in 7,000-gallon tanker trucks, then transferred to a maze of beer lines that stretch for hundreds of feet. Then it’s poured into tens of thousands of heavy one-liter glass mugs called mass krugen. Up to 7 million of them would be drained this year.

The action is inside the tents – lavishly decorated buildings erected temporarily with massive wooden beams and joists. In the evenings, you need a reservation for a seat, but still hundreds outside push and shove for an open spot.

The largest can hold 10,000 people – about the size of college basketball arena. That’s 10,000 people all consuming inordinate amounts of liquid and large plates of wurst. Let’s just say it’s a good thing the bathrooms are the product of Germany’s legendary technical superiority.

The noise is a welter of discord till the music starts. Then it’s a welter of wedding reception standards, Bavarian drinking songs and John Denver’s “Take Me Home, Country Roads. ” One of the most popular is “Ein Prosit Der Gemütlichkeit,” which is roughly translated as “A toast to getting toasted. “

Outside, the sound is of carnival music and broken glass shards being kicked across the asphalt. Lights flash above a hundred food kiosks. It is impossible to walk more than 50 feet without hitting gridlock, usually because some semi-comatose kid (the drinking age is 16) is blocking the walkway, his head slumped to his knees. Medics will be along shortly to clean up the mess.

In the age of M.A.D.D., many Americans would rightly recoil at the excess. Yet it is a shame that it could never happen here; we could use a break from all the serious stuff that’s going around.

I asked Paulaner brewmaster Christian Dahncke if there was any opposition to Oktoberfest in Munich, and he reacted as if I was speaking in a foreign tongue (which, to be truthful, I was).

“For people who don’t want to get drunk,” he replied, “we make nonalcoholic wheat beer. “

I love that sentiment: Live and let live.

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McKenzie Brew House gets gold in Denver

TROEGENATOR . . . Midas Touch . . . Pikeland Pils. They’re among the region’s most popular labels, boasting national reputations partly because of the medals they’ve won over the years at the annual Great American Beer Festival in Denver.

Now you can add another name to that list – one that is considerably more obscure: Saison Vautour.

The farmhouse ale from

McKenzie Brew House in Malvern and Chadds Ford picked up its third gold medal in the past four years last month at the festival, the world’s largest and most prestigious beer competition.

Good luck trying to find it.

While Saison Vautour is part of the brewpubs’ regular tap lineup, it’s the unfiltered bottled version that’s won all those awards.

And it’s bottled only after it’s been properly conditioned in wood barrels.

Upon returning from Denver, brewer Ryan Michaels discovered his bottle supply had bottomed out.

Give him another week, though, and you should be able to pick up the gold medalist at either brewpub for $13.95.

It’s totally worth the price.

Unfiltered with a touch of funk from the use of a unique bacteria strain, the Belgian-style saison (6.5 percent alcohol) is lightly spiced and makes a great partner with seafood or Thai.

And the name? It’s French for “vulture,” a species that apparently hangs out near the Malvern brewery.

Another local brewpub favorite returned to the medals podium this year:

Iron Hill Russian Imperial Stout. The strong (9.5 percent alcohol), dark ale picked up its third gold medal, the first since 2006. Look for it in 750ml bottles at some Iron Hill locations.

A few other post-GABF observations.

_ Overall, the medal count (10) for Philadelphia-area breweries was its lowest since 2006.

_ For the second consecutive year, regional breweries were shut out in the pilsner categories. It’s been one of the area’s most notable specialties, with no fewer than nine medals in the past decade.

_ Troegs Brewery of Harrisburg led all Pennsylvania breweries with three medals for Flying Mouflan barleywine, Troegenator double bock and Hop Back Amber Ale.

_ Weyerbacher, which has been brewing since 1995, finally won its first GABF medal, a bronze for its Imperial Pumpkin Ale.

_ TAPS Fish House & Brewery chain in California, led by brewmaster Victor Novak, was named Brewpub Group of the Year. Locals may recall that Novak was a brewer at the old Dock Street brewpub at Logan Square in the ’90s.

_ This year’s festival was remarkable for some of the big names that didn’t win, including perennial favorites AleSmith, Avery, Brooklyn and Dogfish Head.

By the book

Beer writer Lew Bryson is out with the completely revised fourth edition of “Pennsylvania Breweries” (Stackpole Books, $19.95).

I asked him what’s changed since his first look at the state’s beer scene in 1998.

“The most interesting – hell, amazing – trend is where they’re popping up,” he said.

“The busiest place in the state right now is the arc between Wilkes-Barre and State College. Ten years ago, there was Otto’s, Selin’s Grove, Bullfrog and The Lion.

Now there’s 11 breweries or brewpubs through there, with four more probably going to open before the end of the year.

” . . . Almost any place with the population to support a brewery in Pennsylvania has one now. “

Want to explore the frontier beer scene?

Bryson suggests taking a day trip to Williamsport, Pa., where (after a quick stop at the Woolrich Factory Store) you can check out the Bullfrog Brewery, Franco’s Lounge and Rumrunners. Then find a designated driver for a scenic drive to Old Forge Brewing in nearby Danville, Selin’s Grove Brewing Co. in Selinsgrove, and Elk Creek Cafe and Aleworks in Millheim.

Beer radar

Here’s your chance to bend an elbow with Joe Sixpack.

I’ll be hanging out and pouring samples at P.J. Whelihan’s (799 Dekalb Pike, Blue Bell) on Thursday from 5-7 p.m.

On Oct. 8, I’ll be behind the bar at Bell Beverage (2809 S. Front St., South Philly, across from the I-95 ramp) with free samples from Flying Dog Brewing . . . Yet another website is taking a crack at monitoring area draft beer selections.

This one is www.phillytapfinder.com, with a very nice user interface that will help you locate elusive kegs. It claims to be on top of the draft lists of about 60 city bars . . . Bring a book to Sunday’s Docktoberfest at Dock Street Brewery (50th Street and Baltimore Avenue, Cedar Park). The donation will go to prisoners through the local nonprofit, Books Through Bars. It’ll make you feel even better while you’re enjoying live music and Dock Street’s craft beers. Kegs tap at 2 p.m. . . .

Can craft beer work its charm on East Falls? The owners of the new Fork and Barrel (4213 Ridge Ave., at the site of the former Pour House) are going to give it a stab with a very atmospheric candlelit gastropub. The menu is hearty, including braised rabbit cooked in abbey-style ale and wild boar bratwurst and braised cabbage. But it’s the beer selection that’s really pushing it, with a lineup of notably pricey taps. On its first weekend, I spotted Italy’s Del Ducato Chimera dark ale and Denmark’s Amager Hr. Frederickson imperial stout, both $9. The cheapest glass is 7 bucks, and the bottle selection tops out at $49 for a 25-ounce bottle of Belgium’s outstanding Drie Fonteinen Schaerbeekse Kriek . . .

Meanwhile, put these new joints on your must-visit list:

_ Terrace Taproom (3847 Terrace St., Manayunk), just down the street from the Old Eagle, seems to be improving its tap list every week.

_ Watkins Drinkery (1712 S. 10th St., South Philly), from the same folks behind The Dive, opened last week with a pool table, dart board, a vintage ’80s arcade and a very healthy beer lineup and half-price happy hour.

_ Hop Angel Brauhaus (7980 Oxford Ave., Fox Chase) opened just in time to tap all those great German Oktoberfest beers. The schweinshaxe (pork shank) in dark beer is as good as anything I’ve tasted in Munich.

_ The Beer Store (488 Second St. Pike, Southampton), with 18 cooler doors stocked with about 1,000 varieties. They grabbed my attention with high-tech LED lighting and a mix-a-six selection of $2.50 bottles. Also new in the takeout scene: Beer Heaven: The Craft Beer Store (Delaware Avenue above Reed, South Philly).

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Wenceslas has his vote as top beer saint

BEER, ACCORDING to the adage that has been attributed to Benjamin Franklin, “is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. ”

If that’s true, it was the product of an extensive lobbying effort.

No other pastime has more saints advocating on its behalf than beer drinking. A definitive list compiled by my beer-drinking associate Jay Brooks of the San Jose Mercury News lists 29 saints who’ve been employed to represent our interests. They range from St. Arnold of Metz, whose casket spewed suds during his funeral procession, to Gambrinus, who falsely claimed to have invented beer.

In some instances, the case for sainthood is dubious at best.

St. Lawrence, a third-century cleric, earned his badge not because he ever quenched anyone’s thirst. Rather, his standing is due to his slow, agonizing, skin-searing execution over an open fire, which apparently reminded the locals of the aroma of freshly roasted malt.

Then there was St. Brigid, who supposedly turned bath water into beer. Heck, the makers of Keystone Light perform that “miracle” daily.

Why so many beer saints?

“My sense is partly that, because beer was so important throughout history, naturally many holy people were associated with beer simply due to that importance,” said Brooks. ” . . . The church had to acknowledge all of them. “

Well I’m not a Holy See, but I think I speak with a measure of authority when I say that beer drinkers have way too many heavenly intercessors.

Honestly, with the likes of Arnold of Metz, Augustine of Hipp, Medard of Noyon, Veronus, Floran, Hildegarde, Boniface and Columbanus all jabbering into his ear, the Pearly Gates must be as noisy as a $2 happy hour at Hooters. In that environment, I have real doubts that my heartfelt prayers for a magic kitchen beer spigot are being heard.

Worse, with all those saints to be honored, there’s a feast day every other week. Sure, I enjoy raising a glass in praise of St. Adrian of Nicomedia as much as the next guy. But after a while, all that veneration tends to be a bit of a buzz-kill.

So, it’s time for beer drinkers to settle on one patron saint. I’m going to make the case for St. Wenceslas.

First, he’s already got his own song, “Good King Wenceslas. “

And second, this guy actually did some good for our cause. While still a mere mortal, he established the all-important hops industry of Bohemia. He did this by ordering the execution of anyone caught smuggling hop plants out of his domain.

Admittedly, by today’s standards that’s a bit harsh.

But back in the 10th century, it served notice that Bohemia valued its beer and, especially, hops. Succeeding rulers would continue the bloody edict for hundreds of years thereafter, a form of protectionism that ultimately enabled the Czech region to evolve into one of the world’s great beer-making centers, one that would develop what is now the most widespread style of beer, pilsner.

The good king (who was actually only a duke) was martyred when his own brother, Boleslav, had him murdered so he could take over the throne. A thousand years later, nobody remembers Boleslav. But Wenceslas is now the patron saint of the Czech Republic and his feast day, Sept 28, is a national holiday.

On that day, Czechs fill Wenceslas Square in Prague and drain ample glasses of the original, Pilsner Urquell.

Does St. Wenceslas deserve to be the one, true patron saint of all beer drinkers?

In truth, I’m not a praying man. But just in case, St. Wenceslas, about that magic kitchen beer spigot . . .

The first Short Pour Film Fest takes entries from all over

THE SHORT POUR Film Fest, to be held this weekend at the Great American Beer Festival in Denver, owes a big debt to the inventors of Steadicam.

Despite imbibing ample, sudsy portions of their feature subject, dozens of film directors somehow managed to keep their cameras focused long enough to produce a watchable body of work. The festival, the first devoted to short films about beer, includes more than two hours of original live action, animation, music videos and commercials.

“It’s really opened my eyes to how much media coverage and attention there is on beer, even way beyond what we see in TV commercials,” said the festival’s producer, Jeff Moses. “There’s been this explosion in videos, especially on the Internet, because craft beer is driving people to come out and film about it . . . It’s fascinating. The festival evolved into something I didn’t realize would happen. ”

Moses received more than 100 submissions, ranging from a quick, six-minute tour of San Francisco Beer Week to a professional music video of the Trailer Choir’s “Rockin’ the Beer Gut. ” There’s a report from the U.S. Beer Pong championship, a scene from the professional documentary “Beer Wars,” and vintage commercials for Stag, Piels and Falstaff.

Many of the videos are purely amateur efforts by creative bloggers. They rhapsodize about their favorite ales and lagers; sometimes they hit the road and interview the brewers who make them.

“Some of the pieces have a Wayne and Garth feel to them,” Moses said, referring to the comically earnest hosts of “Wayne’s World. ” “You have the wind blowing, the lighting’s all wrong, but they’re really fun. It’s not like wine, which is always so serious.

“You can tell these guys have such a love for beer. They’re creative people doing TV shows on the Web about beer . . . They’re forging the next step in the way beer is going to be looked at. They’re the cutting edge.

“They’re taking local and regional breweries, and publicizing them through their podcasts so the rest of us get to learn about their products. It will only make the industry bigger. ”

If you can’t make it to the Short Pour Film Fest, no sweat. You can put together your own beery film festival with a few clicks at YouTube.

Here are some starters.

_ “Step Away From the Unlicensed Ale or I’ll Shoot! ” An outstanding report on last spring’s state police beer bust that targeted a trio of city bars for selling unregistered brands, with inane testimony from the people responsible for the fiasco. http://is.gd/euQpc.

_ Joe Sixpack’s tour of Fairmount’s beer bars. It only took 150 takes. http://u.nu/77xue.

_ “Beer” music video by Reel Big Fish. “If I get drunk now, well, I’ll pass out on the floor and you won’t bother me no more.” http://u.nu/69xue.

_ “How to open a bottle of beer with a piece of paper. ” It’s called a $5 bill. Give it to a bartender and the bottle opens like magic. http://u.nu/5bxue.

_ Mr. Magoo Stag Beer commercials. In the golden age of TV, cartoon characters frequently shilled for beer. Look for Fred and Barney (Busch), Bert and Harry (Piels) and Hagar the Horrible (Skol), too. http://u.nu/3exue.

_ “The History of Beer. ” A slick production from the History Channel. http://u.nu/6ixue.

_ “Drinking Baby. ” We get them started young in Philly. http://u.nu/3jxue.

_ “Pouring Hefe. ” Avoid that nasty foam-over. http://u.nu/4kxue.

_ “Still Crazy After All These Beers. ” Dozens of videos from New Jersey beer guy Gary Monterosso. http://u.nu/9mxue.

_ “Pinchin’ Pennies” by the Pain Relievaz. Brewer Sam Calagione and the crew from Dogfish Head in full rap. http://u.nu/8qxue.

_ “Revolutionary Brewers” by Joe Bolletino. Which of America’s Founding Fathers would you like to drink with? http://u.nu/3k7ve.

Barstool racing pairs well with a cold one

THERE ARE many Americans who firmly believe it ain’t worth doin’ unless you can do it on a barstool.

And that includes speeding across the Bonneville Salt Flats.

Welcome to the world of barstool racing, a singularly American pursuit where men are men, and women are even faster.

It’s a curious subculture of gearheads who rig go-carts with barstools, then tool around without losing their seat. YouTube has hundreds of videos of the rigs, while online forums allow fans to share tips on building the contraptions. Why? That’s not a question you’d ask when you’re zipping down the street with your butt firmly plunked on a Naugahyde cushion. It goes without saying, there’s a bit of drinking involved.

Indeed, an Ohio man was arrested and charged with drunken driving last year after crashing his gas-powered barstool on a city street. He reportedly told police his barstool could reach 38 mph.

He has a long way to go to match the mark recognized by the Utah Salt Flats Racing Association. That’s right, the same organization that certifies the world records of those bulletlike rocket cars has a separate, official classification for barstool racing.

Top speed: 53.557 mph.

It doesn’t sound particularly fast until you realize we’re talking about little more than a chair on four wheels, with no real protection for the occupant. Under USFRA rules, racers must sit on a real barstool that’s at least 31 inches high. To keep speeds down, the racers are powered by a maximum 12-volt battery.

One other thing: That world record was set last year by a woman – and she was stone-cold sober.

The feat began as a brainstorm by a medical-equipment engineer named Joe Marietta, who realized that barstool racing was “the cheapest, easiest way I could think of to get a land-speed record. “

Marietta and Doug Lorraine, a co-worker at Innovative Medical Device Solutions in Logan, Utah, somehow managed to convince their CEO that designing a very fast barstool would be an excellent team-building activity. Plus, it would be really cool to show off at medical conventions.

Their racer was built for speed: A chromoly chassis, custom-made aluminum wheels and other components machined by students at a local community college. They found a restaurant supplier online and asked for the lightest barstool.

Then they looked around the office and spotted Karen Mohr, a 29-year-old product-development engineer who’s about 5-foot-4, 125 pounds. She’d make a great rider, they whispered. “It was kind of hard to understand what they were talking about until they showed me some pictures,” Mohr said. “My first question was, ‘How fast are we talking? ‘ “

An experienced cyclist, she’d topped 40 mph on downhill rides.

But there was a problem, she realized: The barstool makes the racer top-heavy. On one test run at an abandoned airport runway, she blew a tire. “I bobbled around, but it didn’t crash,” she said. “I learned very quickly you have to be as still as possible. “

Out on the Salt Flats, however, it was smooth riding. Crouched over the handlebars like Lance Armstrong on a steep decline, Mohr got a push from her teammates, then rocketed across the course.

The official timekeeper notified the team she’d broken the previous record of 49.9 mph, but it would take a second run to make it official. The only problem: the motor was red hot. Someone grabbed an ice-cold sixpack of Olympia and set it on the casing.

“The beer cooled it right off,” Marietta said, and the second run went into the record books.

Next Friday and Saturday, the team will return to the Salt Flats and try to beat their own world record. You better believe they’re already icing down the beer.

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Many long for a simpler, go-to brew

THE OTHER DAY, a poker friend was complaining, “Sometimes I just want a normal, everyday beer. ”

“That’s why they make Coors,” I joked.

That went over like a lead balloon because this is a guy whose fridge is commonly stocked with Orval, a hoppy, slightly funky, $60-a-case ale made by Trappist monks in Belgium. For him, Coors or any other mainstream lager would be like going back to an old girlfriend. Been there, done that.

And, yet, this is a question I’m hearing more frequently from beer-drinkers.

We live in the best of times when it comes to beer. We have our pick of imaginative, exceptionally crafted flavors: smoked, ultrahoppy, sour, barrel-aged, fruity, sweet, roasted, high-alcohol, spicy or whatever the latest trend might be. And, yet, there is this yearning for something basic – a beer that is simply refreshing, with a flavor that doesn’t completely overwhelm the palate.

Author and beer critic Andy Crouch said he felt the same thing when he finished his just-released hardback, “Great American Craft Beer” (Running Press, $22.95). Here is a thoroughly engaging book whose chapters touch on all of the savory, complex flavors of more than 300 ales and lagers: “Mellow and Malty,” “Dark and Roasty,” “Lush and Fruity,” “Extreme Tastes. “

But as he completed his writing, Crouch said, “I found myself . . . in search of less-complicated and more approachable beers.

” . . . After several years of chasing high-alcohol monsters and brutally hopped ales, I think consumers are returning back to Planet Earth in terms of what they want to drink. The experimentation stage was fun, but now it’s time to explore simpler flavors. “

Are we witnessing a backlash against craft beer, a return to the dull, lowest-common-denominator suds?

No.

“Simple need not mean uninteresting, quite to the contrary,” Crouch said.

What Crouch needed, what my friend needed – what every beer drinker needs – is a dependable bottle that you can buy by the case, that you can drink day in-day out and never tire of.

A go-to beer.

Everybody’s go-to beer is different, and it may even change over time. It may not be your favorite beer, for that’s something you’ll save for special occasions. But it’s not dumbed-down, either.

Indeed, when I put the question to my Facebook friends – “What’s your go-to beer?” – few mentioned any conventional brands that come in 30 packs of cans.

For the most part, they preferred American microbrews with a light body and a fairly hoppy bite. Not coincidentally in these belt-tightening times, they’re looking for something that rings the register at less than 35 bucks a case.

Here’s a few of their suggestions:

Victory Prima Pils (Downingtown). Crisp, hoppy and light-bodied, it was the most commonly mentioned go-to beer in my informal poll. Crouch writes, “It delivers in every possible way . . . “

Jever Pils (Germany). This is the beer that Victory was aiming for when it designed Prima Pils. A bit more expensive, but even drier and always a delight.

Sierra Nevada Pale Ale (California). When your taste buds need a break from all the bitterness of imperial IPAs, back it off a notch and you’ll rediscover the grapefruitlike Cascade hops of this craft beer original.

Terrapin Rye Pale Ale (Georgia). Again, the hops shine through, but with a malty balance and a slightly tart finish that will have you opening a second or third bottle.

Lagunitas Sirius Ale (California). Yes, it’s a bit stronger than the others at 7 percent alcohol, but Crouch said that “results in some rather unusual complexity,” with honey and fruit notes. Its dry finish makes this a mellow, easy-drinker.

Lancaster Kolsch. This new release now available in cans is smooth and light-bodied with a subtle orange flavor. Extremely refreshing and a terrific value at less than $25 a case.

Join us for a walk down the Asian beer aisle

NEWS ITEM: For the first time since data have been compiled, Asia is the world’s No. 1 beer producer – bigger than Europe or North America – according to researchers at the Japanese brewing giant Kirin Holdings.

It’s time, I suppose, to welcome our new overlords.

The problem for those who’d like a taste, though, is that very few of the 100 billion-plus pints that Asia produces each year ever reach American soil. And, among those that we do drink, several – notably Asahi, Kirin and Sapporo – aren’t really from Asia; their American versions are brewed in Canada and California.

Considering the many other fake name brand goods that Asia sends us, that shouldn’t come as a shock.

Nonetheless, many authentic Asians are available here. Most of them are basic pale Euro-style lagers, a vestige of the early 20th-century German brewing empire that spread equipment and know-how throughout the Far East. They have their devoted fans, mainly because they’re ideal for dousing Sriracha Hot Chili Sauce.

Here’s a quick spin down the Asian aisle of your local beer distributor.

Japan

Undoubtedly the most notable Asian craft brewery to send beer our way is Kiuchi Shuzou. Founded in 1823 as a sake brewery, it began bottling the highly regarded Hitachino Nest brand in the mid-’90s.

Its best known is Hitachino White, a Belgian-style witbier that is at least equal to the original, Hoegaarden. Its Espresso Stout seems straight out of Starbucks, with a touch of vanilla. And its Weizen is an award-winner in wheat-crazy Germany.

Less common are the colorfully labeled bottles from Baird Beer. Located at the foot of Mount Fuji and run by an American, the brewery produces an eclectic variety, including Angry Boy Brown Ale and The Carpenter’s Mikan Ale, a wheat beer made with citrusy Satsuma fruit.

Other Japanese notables: Coedo Beniaka, a bock flavored with roasted sweet potatoes; Ise Kadoya Genmai Ale made with brown rice; and the Bavarian-inspired Ginga Kogen Weizen.

China

Not long ago, it was said that 95 percent of Chinese beer contained formaldehyde as a preservative. You might say it made for a stiff drink.

While those days are presumably past, the suds are not much to talk about. Tsingtao (pronounced ching-dow) is fun to say, but it’s JAPL (just another pale lager). Harbin, owned by Anheuser-Busch InBev, isn’t particularly remarkable.

Thailand

The Pogues once sang, “Singha Beer don’t ask no questions, Singha Beer don’t tell no lies. “

In truth, Singha is JAPL, too, though it is somewhat maltier and fairly bitter. It’s certainly better than its Thai compatriot, Chang, which tastes like straw.

Vietnam

With a sudden influx of small, local breweries, the nation reported a 24 percent surge in beer production last year. Very little of it is exported.

The exception: 333 Premium Export, a canned brand that was a spin-off of 33, known by American soldiers during the Vietnam War as “Tiger Piss.”

India

Don’t hold your breath waiting for an India pale ale brewed in India. The darling of American craft brewers is nonexistent in the nation that lends its name to the style.

The biggest seller is Kingfisher, a light, uninteresting lager. The bottles we drink in America, however, are brewed in New York. You’ll have to scrape around to find a real Indian brand, but you might turn up a rare can of Haywards 5000, a strong (7 percent alcohol) lager.

Elsewhere:

Singapore: Tiger, JAPL.

Philippines: San Miguel Dark. a rich, sweet dark lager.

Laos: Beerlao Dark, strong and dark.

Sri Lanka: Lion Stout, very flavorful and strong.

Cambodia: Angkor, available on the West Coast.

Indonesia: Bali Hai, brewed in Java.

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