My favorite beer of 2013? You’re going to have a week till I make that announcement. In the meantime, there were lots of other notable newcomers throughout the year.

Best canned beer – Sly Fox Grisette. Named after the drab factory-class women of 17th-century France, this lemony wheat beer might be considered “saison light.” Thirst quenching with a bit of peppery yeast, it’s the perfect can to pop on the beach or at a bbq. Runners-up: St. Feuillien Saison and Manayunk Dreamin’.

Best lager – Pilsner IPA. A hybrid from the new Barren Hill Tavern & Brewery in Lafayette Hill, with the light, refreshing body of a pilsner and the fresh, hoppy aroma of an India pale ale.

Best name –Sweet Baby Jesus. It’s easy to see how a Chocolate Peanut Butter porter could go terribly wrong, but on draft or in bottles this one from Maryland’s DuClaw Brewing is praiseworthy (if not a tiny bit blasphemous). Runners-up: Braaaiins! (Spring House Brewing), That’s What She Said (Dock Street).

Best beer with the worst name –DirtWolf. This strong, mango-like double IPA is the best new beer from Victory since Summer Love in 2010. But DirtWolf? Sounds more like a vacuum cleaner.

Best evidence that a corporate takeover is not the end of the world – Sofie Paradisi. Whatever you think of Anheuser-Busch’s acquisition of Goose Island, you can’t deny that the Chicago brewery is still putting out exceptional beer. Its Bourbon County series is a wallop upside the head, but for pure artistry this grapefruit-flavored version of its highly regarded Sofie saison is hard to beat. As crisp and complex as a white Burgundy.

Best evidence that mega-brewers still don’t have a clue – Beck’s Sapphire. Tasteless, watered-down faux Euro-swill. Runner-up: The upcoming limited-edition re-release of the original Miller Lite can.

Best evidence that craft brewers don’t have a clue, either – Straubator Doppelbock. The Brewers Association declared that – because Pennsylvania’s tiny Straub Brewery uses adjunct ingredients, including corn – it isn’t “traditional” enough to qualify as a true craft brewery. Which means this solid, full-flavored lager is… what? Not real beer? Note to the Colorado-based B.A: The 141-year-old Straub was making beer two years before your state was admitted to the Union.

Best beer you never tasted –Splinter Brown. A sour mash and oak barrel aging gave this sour brown ale a complex flavor I’d compare to Rodenbach. Unfortunately, because a bit of over-carbonation turned bottles into cork cannons, the limited release could be tasted only under adult supervision at Troegs own brewpub in Hershey.

Best label – Manneken Penn. OK, I’m decidedly impartial because it was designed as Philly Beer Week’s annual Belgian collaboration while I still led that organization. But Brasserie De La Senne’s artwork of Brussels’ famed Manneken Pis statue whizzing off the top of City Hall wasn’t just a symbol of Philly’s love affair with all things Belgium. It was t-shirt worthy. The light-bodied dubbel was perfect in hot, hot, hot June.

Best beer down the shore – Cape May Pale Ale. The Garden State’s southernmost brewery seems ready for great things, stepping up both production and quality. Its single-hop pale ale might actually be hoppier than its IPA, with a long-lingering finish that is both dry and refreshing.

Best pumpkin beer – Warlock. Imagine the flavor of Southern Tier’s highly regarded Pumking in a rich stout. Lots of vanilla with dark-roasted malt.

Best new beer in the Philly market –Jubelale. Deschutes Brewing is a longtime favorite from the Pacific Northwest that came east with a big bang. While its core brands (Black Butte, Mirror Pond, Inversion) are all well made, this malty, full-bodied winter warmer is top-rung. It’s a Christmas beer for people who don’t like spice.

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ONE THOUSAND years from this Monday, people around the world will celebrate Festivus by airing their grievances, displaying feats of strength and praising the miracle of a towering pole made of beer cans.

That’s the way the rituals of mankind evolve, isn’t it? From a simple act – a child born in a manger – to the sacred.

It’s been 16 years since the writers of the sitcom “Seinfeld” first alerted us to the wonders of Festivus, the goofy secular solstice festival “for the rest of us.” A mere blink of the eye in terms of humankind.

Yet already, the fictional fest has evolved from grouchy Frank Costanza revealing his unadorned Festivus pole (“I find tinsel distracting”) to an actual pole erected inside the Florida Capitol, where it joined, in the words of the Tallahassee Democrat, “a manger depicting the birth of Jesus and a . . . menorah in celebration of Hanukkah.” Like the fake Flying Spaghetti Monster deity, Festivus poles have emerged as a lighthearted satire of religious displays on public property.

This pole was installed by Chaz Stevens, 49, a self-described political blogger and “professional troublemaker.” The silly protest kicked off immediate national harrumphing in the right-wing pundit sector. Fox News called it more evidence of the “War on Christmas” or – in Stephen Colbert’s mocking view – the “Blitzkrieg on Grinchitude.”

What caught my eye, though, was that Stevens chose to construct his pole with Pabst Blue Ribbon empties.

Were we witnessing an important step in the evolution of a holy day? Strong alcoholic beverages were a component of early solstice festivals. Was beer drinking to become a rite of Festivus, too?

“It’s not as magical as you’d assume,” Stevens explained in a phone call. The pole, he said, was originally built in 2012 for an outdoor display in his hometown, Deerfield Beach, Fla.

“I got a hold of Allen Salkin [the author of a book about Festivus], and he says it doesn’t really matter what the pole is made of: ‘Hell, you could make it out of beer cans.’

“So, I figured, why not?

“I drank Pabst in college, the cans look good – they’re red, white and blue. I got a case, emptied them, cut off the ends and stacked them on a PVC pipe.”

Stevens said he expected complaints from religious groups. Instead, “I got my ass handed to me by Festivus purists” who said the pole should be unadorned.

“The people who really got on me were saying, ‘I can’t believe you like Pabst Blue Ribbon!’ ”

(Stevens, for the record, said he gave up drinking a while ago.)

I wondered: Is it proper to build a Festivus pole with beer cans?

For an authoritative answer, I turned to the guy who’s generally credited with bringing Festivus to worldwide attention, former “Seinfeld” writer Dan O’Keefe.

It was O’Keefe’s late father who conceived Festivus as a family event in the mid-1960s. Other Seinfeld writers caught wind of the tradition, officially set its date as Dec. 23 and introduced it to viewers in a 1997 episode.

First, he said, there was no Festivus pole in the O’Keefe household. That was an invention of the program’s writers.

Still, when he heard about the PBR pole, “I thought it was oddly appropriate.”

“My dad drank Pabst Blue Ribbon for 60 years. . . . Probably more like 65 or 70 years,” O’Keefe said. “In fact, when he switched to Coors Light [later in life] he lost like 55 pounds.

“One of my earliest memories in life is staring at a Pabst Blue Ribbon can, right at eye level, on the dining-room table.”

Wait a minute. The inventor of Festivus drank PBR. Then, 50 years later, the first Festivus pole on public property is constructed with PBR cans…

It’s a Festivus miracle!

To O’Keefe, Festivus is “an open-source holiday.” There is no orthodoxy; you just make of it what you like.

“What’s appropriate goes out the window,” he said. “It would be impossible to violate the spirit of the holiday because there is no spirit.”

No spirit? Does that mean in the year 3013 we won’t be celebrating Festivus with a pole made from PBR cans?

“I suspect, in 1,000 years,” O’Keefe replied, “Christmas will still be celebrated, but this will be a pop-culture footnote.”

Perhaps, but many of today’s beer drinkers have already adopted Festivus. There are no fewer than a dozen beers named Festivus, including a full-bodied winter warmer from Manayunk Brewing that is available in cans for the first time this season.

Drink up and build your own Festivus pole.

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If you’re looking to stuff a stocking with something a little more special than a sixpack (not that there’s anything wrong with a sixpack, hint-hint), Joe Sixpack has just what you’re looking for – from bottle openers to worldwide travel.

For openers

There are a million different, very cool bottle openers out there, for beach sandals, dog collars, smart phones, TV remotes and more. Most breweries sell them online, and you can even order custom key chain openers from Vistaprint.com, starting at $3.74 each. I like the simplicity of DropCatch, a wall-mounted opener whose embedded magnet catches caps before the hit the floor. From $65.

For your Joe Sixpack

He (or she) will be happy with almost anything with hops – but look for a special gift pack. Corsendonk Christmas Ale comes in a boxed sixpack with a glass. $21.95 at the Foodery (2nd and Poplar, Northern Liberties. 215-238-6077). In Bucks County, the Beer Store (488 2nd Street Pike, Southampton. 215-355-7373) carries more than a dozen gift sets, including a 22-ounce bomber of Troegs Mad Elf with a glass, $25.99, and Lindemans Framboise and Pomme with a fluted glass, $15.99.

For the ring bearer

Neighborhood Map Coasters not only save your coffee table from water rings, their attractive, laser-engraved Philadelphia neighborhoods will show your where you live. $36 for set of four.

For a DUI-free New Year

Breathometer connects to your smart phone with an easy app to estimate your blood alcohol level. Even tells you how long you’ll have to wait till you’re “back to zero.” $49

For the morning munchies

Beer pancakes take off the edge at brunch. Make a batch with the new Joe Sixpack Beer Pancake mix. $8

For the walls

Beer isn’t just a craft, it’s fine art – at least in the form of BeerColors – decorative art prints painted with real beer. Each painting comes with a certificate of authenticity, naming the beer used in artwork. How about a pretty puffin in Anderson Valley El Steinber Dark Lager? From $60.

For the modest

If your boyfriend isn’t going to wear pants around the apartment, at least dress him up in a set of decent Beer Boxers, printed with bottles. $9.99 at the Gap.

For the tap dancer

A home bar isn’t complete without an impressive lineup of tap handles, but who can keep up with an ever-changing selection of ales and lagers? Tap Boards are chalkboard tap handles. Just drink, erase and repeat. $39.99

For the green thumb

You think beer grows on a tree? Well, yes, as a matter of fact. Grow Your Own Beer Tree is a hops-growing kit – just add water. $8.37

For growlers by car

Worst part of filling those handy half-gallon growlers for draft beer to go? Getting them back home without rolling around in the backseat. Growler on Board is a light-weight, insulated “Beer Transport Unit” holds three big bottles in an upright position. $29.95.

For growlers by bike

Make your bike buddy’s next tour de beer a snap with a Growler bike cage. Attaches to the down tube on most bikes and holds either 32-ounce or 64-ounc bottles. $15-$20.

For bottles by bike

Carry this simple canvas sixpack toter into the deli, fill it with bottles, then wrap it over the top tube. Guaranteed to fit between even heavy-gauge thighs. $57.19

For the gamer

Forget Xbox 360, what the ultimate home bar requires is the Dreamcade Kegerator 60. It’s an arcade machine with a 60-inch HD screen, a built-in fridge, two cup holders, three taps and 140 classic games (Space Invaders, Street Fighter). Beer not included. $4,999.

For the world traveler

Belgium is Beer Mecca, and there’s no more fun way to experience it than on a River Cruise. Check that – there’s no more fun way to experience it than on a River Cruise with Joe Sixpack. I’ll be leading an expedition to Brussels, Bruges, Antwerp and the Netherlands in March 2015. Rooms are filling up now. Beer and meals included. $2,617 if booked by Dec. 31, 2014.

For the local traveler

An expedition to the bars of Center City is a learning experience on a guided tour led by an expert. Philadelphia Urban Adventures shows off the best of the city’s bar scene with its two-hour Philly On Tap tour. Beer and snacks included $35.

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TWO YEARS ago this week, someone drew Vince Masciandaro’s name out of a hat, and maybe changed his life forever.

Funny thing, he wasn’t even there to see it happen.

It was Philly Beer Week’s annual Belgian collaboration raffle, a contest among beer lovers to accompany their favorite local brewer on an expenses-paid expedition to Belgium. The bar was packed and the decibels were off the chart when Masciandaro’s name was called.

A hand shot up: “Over here!”

A guy jostled his way to the front, cameras flashed, huge cheers – the winner would be going to the famed Brasserie Dupont with Chris LaPierre, of Iron Hill Brewery, in Maple Shade, N.J.

“Congratulations – you’re in for a helluva trip,” I told the lucky fellow, shaking his hand for the photographers.

He smiled then whispered, “Actually, I’m not Vince. He’s not here.”

“Who the hell are you, then?”

“I’m his friend, Rich.”

Classic Philly, I thought.

It took a few minutes to track down Vince on the phone and, of course, he was crazy with excitement. He’d never been to Belgium, a mecca for beer fans. Ultimately, he helped LaPierre, Dupont brewer Olivier DeDeycker and the Philly Beer Week crew create its 2012 Belgian collaboration, Speciale Belge.

Jump forward a couple of years.

Philly Beer Week is getting ready for its 2014 collaborative brew, with its annual raffle on Tuesday at 7 p.m. at Field House, 1150 Filbert St. Tickets are available online.

And Masciandaro? He’s getting ready to open his own brewery – with the guy who copped his glory, Rich Palmay.

It’s called Village Idiot, opening early next year in downtown Mount Holly.

Don’t be surprised if there’s a little bit of Belgium in the place.

“Going on the trip definitely influenced me some,” Masciandaro said. “What I kind of noticed when I was there, the beer bars in Belgium are really not restaurants. You can order cheese or finger food or small plates of meat, but you really are going there for the beer.

“You see these tiny storefront bars, where you walk down a little back alley and see a door with a sign that says ‘Tavern,’ or whatever the word is in Belgium. You open the door and it’s a tiny little hole in the wall and a few people inside drinking.

“That’s kind of what we want to do with our place.”

Expect Masciandaro’s trip to Belgium to influence Village Idiot’s beer, too.

The business partners have been buddies for years; they’re both members of South Jersey’s Barley Legal homebrewers club. So, for Masciandaro, the trip was an opportunity to improve his skills.

“I had a chance to talk with Olivier and learn about how they do things,” he said. “I saw how high their fermentation temperatures are, I got to pick his brain on recipes.

“When I got back, I used the yeast from a Dupont bottle to brew a clone of their Saison. It was the first time I ever brewed a saison, and it took a gold medal in a homebrew contest.”

Not everyone comes back from Belgium and opens a brewery, of course. But they do come back with some great beer.

In addition to Speciale Belge, Philly Beer Week collabs include:

¶Broederlijk Liefde (2011), a sour ale from De Proef Brouwerij, with raffle winner Jason Kramer and Sly Fox brewer Brian O’Reilly.

¶Manneken-Penn (2013), a dubbel from Brasserie De La Senne, with raffle winner Matt Hohorst and Weyerbacher’s Chris Wilson.

This year, Philly Beer Week and Vanberg & DeWulf importers are sending the lucky winner, along with an area brewer, to Brouwerij Dilewyns, in Dendermonde, Belgium, about 40 minutes outside Brussels. Known for its Vicaris line of ales, the brewery is led by 26-year-old Anne-Catherine Dilewyns. The young brewer traces her beer-making chops to her great-great-great-great-grandmother, whose brewery operated till the Nazis dismantled the equipment during World War II.

Masciandaro said that he’ll be on hand this year for the raffle, “But if I win, this time Rich gets to go.”

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In the beer world, Black Friday is hardly a day for shopping. It’s a day for sipping, the darker the better.

And it doesn’t get any darker than Goose Island’s Bourbon County Brand Stout, the rich, barrel-aged stout whose annual release is the equivalent of a midnight door-opening at Toys R Us.

Long lines will be forming at select locations offering treasured bottles of the silky but strong (14.5 percent alcohol) ale. This year, it’s being accompanied by three offshoots: Bourbon County Brand Coffee Stout, made with El Salvadoran beans; Backyard Rye Bourbon County Brand Stout; and Bourbon County Brand Barleywine.

Locally, The Bishop’s Collar (2349 Fairmount Ave.) will begin pouring the stout and barleywine, with other Goose Island brands, at 11 a.m.

Meanwhile, bottles will go on sale at Monde Market (21st and Chestnut streets), Food & Friends (20th & Spruce streets), Hawthornes Café (11th & Fitzwater streets) and the Foodery (10th & Pine streets and 2nd and Poplar streets).

Black Friday events

The wait for these bottles is worth it, but there’s always another beer around the corner. Here’s your Black Friday Beer Planner.

BRU Craft & Wurst (1318 Chestnut St.) – Left Hand Fade to Blackout Friday, with Wake Up Dead, Pro Am Mr. Black Ale.

City Tap House (3925 Walnut St.) – Into the Black, with a $35 tasting of Russian imperial stout, Black IPA, Schwarzbier.

Kraftwork (541 E. Girard Ave) – Blackout Brunch.

Memphis Taproom (2331 E. Cumberland St.) – Everything Went Black, including Harviestoun Old Engine Oil, Yards Love Stout.

Resurrection Ale House (2425 Grays Ferry Ave.) – Black Friday with Victory Brewing, including Winter Cheers, Storm King.

Uno Chicago Grill (2910 West Chester Pike, Newtown Square) – Christmas beer tapping, with Affligem Noel, Scaldis Noel.

Shopping Mall beer guide

Can’t avoid the shopping malls on Friday? When you need a break, here’s your nearest good beer.

Pennsylvania

Exton Square – The Drafting Room (635 N. Pottstown Pike) is five minutes away, but if you can wait 24 hours you’ll be just in time for Saturday’s Wet Hop Harvest.

Franklin Mills –Uno Chicago Grill outlets throughout the region have done an excellent job upgrading their tap lists in recent years. There’s one at 789 Franklin Mills Circle.

The Gallery at Market East – Hike a block over to Reading Terminal Market for Molly Malloy’s or the Field House (1150 Filbert St.). In Chinatown, Bar-Ly (101 N. 11th St.) is pouring 60 drafts.

King of Prussia – Rock Bottom Brewery, near Sears on the lower level, is pouring fresh, award-winning ales from brewer Brian McConnell.

Montgomery – Iron Hill Brewery 1460 Bethlehem Pike, North Wales) is just down Rt. 309. Prism Brewery (810 Dickerson Road) is a little harder to find, but its taproom is worth the hunt.

Neshaminy – It’s Uno Chicago Grill (across the parking lot from Barnes & Noble) to the rescue again.

Oxford Valley – Miller’s Ale House (2250 E. Lincoln Highway) is nearby with a long but fairly generic beer list.

Plymouth Meeting – Cold Point Pub (inside Whole Foods) offers excellent bottles, taps and a funky flavor-adding Fusion Tower. Drive west to Capone’s Restaurant (224 W. Germantown Pike) for its annual Black Friday tap madness.

Springfield – Make your way to Media for a trio of Delco favorites: Iron Hill Brewery (20 E. State St.), Quotations (37 E. State St.) and the surprising Pinocchio’s Restaurant (131 E. Baltimore Pike).

Willow Grove Park – Brick House Tavern & Tap (2402 Easton Road) is just 10 miles north on Rt. 611, but you’ll find more interesting selection just a couple more minutes up the road at Otto’s Brauhaus (233 Easton Road) or Belgian-themed Iron Abbey (680 Easton Road).

New Jersey

Cherry Hill – Unless you want to brown bag it with a bottle from the fine selection at Total Wine (adjacent to the mall), you’ll have to hop in the car. Head south to the Pour House (124 Haddon Ave., Westmont) or west to Iron Hill Brewery (124 E. Kings Highway, Maple Shade), which also happens to be close to Moorestown Mall.

Deptford – Uno Chicago Grill (1162 Hurffville Road) will do the trick. Or head to Joe Canal’s Discount Liquor Outlet (1075 Mantua Pike) for its annual Black Friday sale. Brewdog Sink The Bismarck, that 41 percent alcohol Double IPA you might’ve heard about, is on the shelf.

Voorhees Town Center – You’re in luck, Iron Hill Brewery opened its newest location inside the center, at 13107 Town Center Blvd.

Delaware

Concord – McKenzie Brew House (451 Wilmington West Chester Pike) is 10 minutes north on Rt. 202. If you’re staying in Delaware, make your way to Ulysses American Gastropub (1716 Marsh Road, Wilmington) for two dozen very good taps.

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TRIA TAPROOM, on Walnut Street just off Rittenhouse Square, opened this week with a newfangled web-based beer-auditing system that may finally solve that most niggling of First World Beer Geek problems:

Who’s pouring what?

Called Bevchek, it’s part of a POS (point of sale) system that monitors beer and wine sales and tracks inventory. Nearly every bar or restaurant you’ve visited has some type of POS, relaying waitresses’ orders to the kitchen and spitting out credit card receipts.

(Bartenders will often tell you that POS truly stands for “piece of shit” because of the systems’ occasional digital glitches.)

Bevchek counts every ounce that goes through every one of Tria’s 40 beer, wine and cider taps. The “real-time” monitoring is mainly designed to prevent “slippage,” industry speak for over-pours, freebies and downright theft.

That’s backroom administrative stuff you really don’t care about.

Here’s the big technological breakthrough for beer fanatics: The bar’s inventory is online.

Go to tria.bevchek.com and you’ll see a rundown of everything on tap. Click on a specific brew, say Saison de Pipaix, and you’ll find info about the brewery, style, price, alcohol content and a brief description of the beer itself. Plus, the screen shows how much beer is left in the keg. (Only 10 percent of this Belgian farmhouse ale remained when I last checked, so you better hurry.)

There are no drink menus at Tria Taproom. Before ordering, just consult your smartphone or one of the bar’s handheld electronic tablets.

A spokesman for Canadian-based Bevchek said it’s the first POS of its kind in Philadelphia.

When I stopped by the bar Monday, owner Jon Myerow told me there were a few kinks to work out, but he was pleased with the system. “I’m a believer in this technology,” he said. “I’ve always believed in the notion of monitoring all our products for guests, to make sure we’re giving them what they’re asking for.”

Now, to many of you, this will sound like a bunch of gee-whiz techno gimmickry. Plenty of bars, after all, do perfectly well just scrawling their tap lists on chalkboards.

But for beer geeks, a real-time online draft list is the missing link in the nightly pursuit for the elusive perfect pint.

It doesn’t take much of a visionary to see where this could lead: A live database of every tap in town.

The city already has something close to that in PhillyTapFinder.com, an online listing of taps at more than 100 bars in the city and suburbs.

It’s a terrific service, one that an average of 750 to 1,000 beer drinkers consult daily. But as Philly Tap Finder’s founder, Jared Littman, acknowledged, it’s not exactly seamless.

Currently, Littman depends on bartenders and owners to individually send their tap lists by email, text or a simple photograph of a chalkboard. Then he adds every beer – up to hundreds every day – one by one, onto the website. So far, he’s charted more than 6,000 separate brands.

It takes time and, because kegs kick hourly, it’s not always up to date.

When I called Littman about Bevchek, he was already on the same page as me.

“I love it. Anything that gives more information to the consumer, I’m all for it,” he said. “The next step is figure out how to get all this info onto one site, and make it automated.”

Exactly. I see a single app that alerts me when my favorite IPA goes on tap. Then it automatically sends a car to pick me up, invites my Facebook friends to belly up to the bar with me, Instagrams a photo of my pint, signals the Internet jukebox to play “Gimme Shelter,” tweets my Yelp! review, calculates the bartender’s tip, and texts my wife with some lame excuse for missing dinner with the in-laws.

Nerds, get to work on this, now.

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BY MY count, 152 brands will be pouring during Saturday’s Craft Beer Express, a crosstown pub crawl that visits a dozen fine bars. Maybe that’s why bus tickets are just 10 bucks.

It may very well be impossible to drink ’em all.

So, with a nod to Philly Tap Finder, which compiled the day’s tap lists, here are 12 can’t-miss beers on the Craft Beer Express:

New Holland Philly Wild Ale, at Kraftwork (Fishtown). Theme: Taste of the Great Midwest.

The Midwest is sending all kinds of good stuff our way, from the likes of Bell’s, Great Lakes, Founders, Two Brothers and even Anheuser-Busch-owned Goose Island (seriously, do not pass up a chance to try Matilda Lambicus).

New Holland, meanwhile, sent us a love letter during Beer Week last June by cellaring its popular blueberry-flavored Blue Sunday ale with a big helping of rosemary. Seems there’s one remaining stray keg in town, waiting to get kicked.

Philadelphia Brewing Harvest from the Hood, at Johnny Brenda’s (Fishtown). Theme: 5th Annual Wet Hop Rodeo.

In contrast to most beer that is made with dried hops, wet-hop beer is brewed with freshly picked hops that go straight from the farm to the kettle. You can’t get any fresher in Philly than hops that were plucked at Kensington’s Greensgrow Farms, carted six blocks to Philly Brewing, then trucked 1 mile south to Johnny Brenda’s.

Stoudt’s Four Play, at Standard Tap (Northern Liberties). Theme: Sexy Singles.

No, my Daily News colleague Jenice Armstrong is not branching out to beer with her annual People Paper contest. The singles here are hops – beers made with just one variety, instead of the more typical blend.

This one’s an IPA I wrote about a few weeks ago, using an experimental hop known as #01210.

DuClaw Sweet Baby Jesus, at The Institute (Spring Garden). Theme: stouts and porters.

The Institute is going to be one of those CBX stops where everyone hangs for a second or third beer, and not just because “Star Wars” movies will be playing all day. The lineup is filled with unique dark brands, ranging from a pecan porter to a chocolate cherry stout.

But you shouldn’t pass up on this chocolate-and-peanut-butter porter from Maryland. It’s the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup of suds.

Free Will Saison de Rose, at Bishop’s Collar (Fairmount). Theme: Stockertown Beverage.

Only in Philadelphia can you build a beer event around a beer distributor whose main office is hidden away in Northampton County. That’s because S-town can hold its own against any wholesale portfolio in town, with brands ranging from Helltown, in Mount Pleasant, Pa., to Nøgne Ø, in Norway.

Fill a pint with this pink farmhouse ale, made in Perkasie, and you’ll be supporting Penn Medicine’s Rena Rowan Breast Center.

Firestone Walker §ucaba, at Kite & Key (Franklintown). Theme: Firestone Walker brewery spotlight.

Honestly, you should try every beer from this California outfit, named the Mid-Size Brewery of the Year at the 2013 Great American Beer Festival. But it’s this huge (12.5 percent alcohol), malt-forward, English-style barleywine – typically available only in bottles – that will kick first.

Naked Driveway Sit-Ups, at Jose Pistola’s (Center City). Theme: Terrell Owens’ Retirement.

What to do when your favorite former Eagles receiver/teary-eyed reality star/pro-bowler wannabe is headed toward retirement from the NFL? Throw a party in which every beer on tap honors his jersey number at precisely 8.1 percent alcohol.

No one brewed a hot dog beer. But Naked Brewing, from Huntingdon Valley, got into the spirit with an imperial stout flavored with orange peels, named after one of T.O.’s more memorable stunts.

Allagash Midnight Brett, at Sidecar (South of South). Theme: American-made Belgian styles.

If you’ve been paying attention, you know sour beer is a thing these days. You also know that Allagash, of Portland, Maine, is pushing the envelope with a funky house strain of Brettanomyces (“Brett,” in beer parlance) yeast. A sour-cherry flavor dominates this refreshing, dark wheat beer.

Class of ’88 Barley Wine, at Pub on Passyunk East (South Philly). Theme: Deschutes brewery spotlight.

Deschutes is buzzing around town all week at more than a dozen bars, with its traveling Base Camp road show. And while its own brands can stand on their own, the brewery’s series of Class of ’88 collaborations (made with other breweries that opened that year) is something special.

This monster (10.2 percent alcohol) was brewed with Rogue of Oregon and North Coast of California.

Southern Tier Krampus, at Devil’s Den (South Philly). Theme: Get Animated Costume Party.

Bar owner Erin Wallace comes up with the most original themed events, and this one is decidedly strange: beers that feature cartoon characters. Look for UnderDog, Dogzilla and the Mad Hatter.

But be wary of Krampus, a malty-yet-smooth “imperial” Helles lager named after the evil Yuletime character who captures naughty children and drags them back to his lair.

Weltenburger Kloster Asam-Bock, at Brauhaus Schmitz (South Street). Theme: German monastery beer.

Most eyes will be on the spigots pouring beer from Bavaria’s Andechs monastery, and rightly so: Its Vollbier Hell and Weissbier Dunkel are superb.

But do not miss this one, because it may be the best bock you’ve never heard of. Brewed at the ancient (c. 620 A.D.) Weltenburg Abbey, it’s strong and dark, but smooth, with a swirl of fruit and candy flavor.

Great Divide Peach Grand Cru, at Race Street Cafe (Old City). Theme: Colorado breweries.

Yeah, I know what you’re thinking: chick beer. Well, real women will love this beer, and so will guys, if they can get over themselves. It’s a strong (12 percent alcohol), Belgian-style ale flavored with 1,600 pounds of peaches in each 50-barrel batch.

Museum of Art Craft Show

It’s never too late to get started on the weekend, so don’t forget the Lithuanian-themed craft-beer tasting I’ll be hosting Friday evening at the Philadelphia Museum of Art Craft Show. We’ll be pouring local craft beer, plus a pair of unusual Lithuanian beers, as a tribute to the Baltic nation’s artisans, who are featured at the craft show.

Tickets to the event, at the Pennsylvania Convention Center, are available here, $45.

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LOOKS LIKE Jeremy Cowan and the rest of the team at Shmaltz Brewing are dipping into their own stash again.

America’s least orthodox Jewish brewery is marking the convergence next week of Hanukkah and Thanksgiving with a fairly weird image of an “intergalactic turducken mothership” and a monster edition of its annual holiday ale, this year called Jewbelation Reborn.

The latke-eating turducken is powered by a menorah of nine flame-spouting beer bottles. The beer is powered by 17 varieties of malt and 17 types of hops, launching you into the far reaches of the galaxy with a stunning alcohol content of 17 percent.

Yes, it’s all fun nonsense – perhaps the product of too many after-hours sessions with the brewery’s high-octane brands. But that’s exactly what we’ve come to expect from Shmaltz.

This is, after all, a brewery that declares that its He’Brew (“The Chosen Beer”) is “perfect for bar mitzvahs, weddings and circumcisions.” Its website carries an endorsement from God himself: “Christ, that’s good beer!”

The rare dual holidays are fertile turf for Cowan’s engaging, offbeat humor. When I asked him if it was easier to sell his holiday beer in November than December, when it goes up against all those Christmas beers, he replied, “Are you kidding? If you thought it was tough to get shelf space at Christmastime, try finding shelf space during Thanksgiving, when grocery stores are selling all those turkeys!”

But Cowan’s beer has a little more going for it this holiday season.

Until last summer, the company was mostly just a name without a physical plant – no kettles or bottling lines, no trucks or brewery workers. All of the company’s products – including its He’Brew and Coney Island brands – were “contract-brewed” at facilities owned by other companies.

“Basically, we were a laptop and a cellphone,” Cowan said.

Contract brewers often get a bad rap from others in the industry because they’re regarded as interlopers without skin in the game. That never bothered Cowan because, he said, “I have a unique brand. . . . But you reach the point where you’re risking 100 percent of your eggs in somebody else’s basket. It came to a point of wanting to protect 17 years of hard work. . . . It became obvious that this became the right direction to grow.”

This summer, after 17 years, Cowan took out a mortgage, hired staff and moved into a brewery of his very own, in New York’s Saratoga County. The company announced its “rebirth” with typical irreverence, releasing a commemorative black India pale ale called Death of a Contract Brewer.

This year’s version of Jewbelation continues the theme by declaring it has been “reborn” as “proof of our conversion to a new life as a brewery owner.”

In typical He’Brew fashion, the label obsesses with the numerology behind its anniversary. Seventeen is the number of syllables in a haiku and the number of Shakespearean comedies, it notes. In TV’s “The Office,” Dwight recited Rule 17, which all Schrute boys must learn: “Don’t turn your back on bears, men you have wronged or the dominant turkey during mating season.”

Yes, there’s a lot of shtick at Shmaltz, but don’t let that fool you. The beer is mighty ta’im (that’s “delicious”) and certainly worthy of a toast on this Thanksgivukkah.

The 17 percenters

The beer is the creation of Paul McErlean, who was the brewmaster at Olde Saratoga Brewing, where He’Brew was previously made. He moved to Shmaltz when it opened its own facility in nearby Clifton Park, N.Y.

A closer look at the 17 malts in Jewbelation Reborn offers some insight on how brewers develop complex flavors in strong beer. The grain bill includes:

•Two-row barley: The standard base malt for most craft beer.

•Vienna, Munich and roasted barley: All are lightly toasted for both flavor and aroma.

•Chocolate: Very dark roasted with bittersweet flavor.

•Rye: Somewhat uncommon, provides spicy notes.

•Wheat, roasted wheat, spelt, einkorn and emmer: These wheat varieties’ proteins provide a full body.

•Crystal rye, dark crystal, Cara-Munich 40 and Cara-Pilsner: Crystalline and caramelized sugars for added sweetness.

•Flaked oats: Like instant oatmeal, mainly for body.

•Kiln amber: Lightly roasted for a biscuit flavor.

As for the bitter stuff, the hops are a mix of Old World (Golding, Tettnang, Czech Saaz), the Three C’s (Cascade, Centennial and Columbus), and newly introduced varieties (Crystal, Simcoe, Amarillo, Ahtanum, Citra, Summit, Chinook, Warrior, Apollo, Palisade and Santiam).

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YOU MIGHT remember the Daily News report a couple of months back about my diplomatic mission to Lithuania, where I spread the good word about American craft beer through the U.S. Embassy in Vilnius.

Well, there’s a second chapter in my efforts to spread peace through beer. I’m happy to report that Lithuania is coming to Philadelphia.

Specifically, it’s arriving in the form of next week’s 37th annual Philadelphia Museum of Art Craft Show, the guest-artist program of which this year highlights 23 Lithuanian artists. Their work, with that of more than 170 other artists, will be at the Pennsylvania Convention Center, Nov. 7-10.

To help put a little buzz into the show, I’ll host a unique beer tasting at the show, on Nov. 8.

It’s unique because, in addition to some outstanding, locally brewed craft beer, we’ll pour a pair of Lithuanian beers that have never – and I mean never – been served in America.

One is Birzu Senovinis, a traditional ale from Lithuania’s oldest brewery. I know it’s never been sold here because it’s unfiltered and unpasteurized and packaged only in plastic PET bottles.

That’s the way they like their beer in the countryside of Lithuania. It’s strong (7 percent alcohol), very malty and inexpensive.

It’s not at all like Lithuania’s more popular brands, Svyturys and Utenos, which are both imported here. Those are mass-produced and quite popular as light-bodied refreshers in the beer gardens of Vilnius.

By contrast, there’s something distinctly rustic and satisfying about the traditional ales brewed in the north of the Baltic nation. Their character is almost certainly a product of the malt, which tends to be somewhat sweet, but not as much as German bock. It has little to do with the hops, which are almost an afterthought in these beers.

The breweries that produce these unusual ales tend to be small – about the size of Yards or Weyerbacher. Most are family-owned, using recipes passed down through the years.

Birzu, for example, brews a beer called Sirvenos that’s made with a portion of peas, a vestige of the days when the nation was under Soviet control and proper ingredients were scarce.

Another brewery, Joalda, initially ferments its beer in an open container like a traditional British ale. But after two or three days of aggressive bubbling, the brewer transfers the suds into a closed, refrigerated tank and allows it to condition like a typical German lager. The result is a fruity, yet exceptionally clean hybrid ale/lager.

Like I said, you don’t see these unusual traditional ales of Lithuania in America because – without pasteurization or refrigerated shipping – they can’t survive the long trip. The one I’ll showcase at the craft show is being hand-delivered overnight from the brewery.

The back story: Frankly, I was a little worried that Birzu’s ale would make it to Philly for the event. Which brings me to the second beer that’s never been served in America: a home-brew made with “smuggled” Lithuanian yeast.

During my visit last summer, I encountered the spectacular country-style ales of Jovaru Alus, made by Aldona Udriene, the doyenne of Lithuanian brewing. (Credit goes to fellow beer writer Martin Thibault and Lithuanian beer guy Vidmantas Laurinavicius for turning me onto this brewery.)

Udriene’s beer is made without boiling, and it’s fermented with a yeast strain that evolves from one generation to the next, like sourdough starter yeast. Thibault earlier reported that DNA testing turned up no existing match for the yeast strain in a world database, which means that it’s virtually unknown in commercial brewing.

The beer is astonishing, like a malty saison with a sweet, funky finish. The yeast is clearly a big part of its flavor.

I brought home a few bottles of the unfiltered ale, its yeast still very much alive, and passed them to Michael Soo, a homebrewer and Ph.D. student in biochemistry at the University of Pennsylvania. He isolated several yeast colonies in his lab, examined them under a microscope (“There’s lots of stuff going on in there that aren’t yeast,” he proclaimed) and brewed up test batches.

With George Hummel, of Home Sweet Homebrew, in Center City, Ysoo and I tasted the various samples and found one we think is pretty close to Jovaru’s original. Hummel and Ysoo are brewing a full batch, and we’ll pour it at the craft show.

I’m hoping that it gives attendees an idea of the flavor of Lithuania’s unique countryside ale. Consider it the next stage in my continuing diplomatic efforts to bring world peace through good beer.

The craft-show beer tasting is one of my favorite annual events, because its intimate size provides a chance to personally introduce brewers to an enthusiastic audience through fun, live “interviews.”

This year, Laurinavicius (call him the Joe Sixpack of Vilnius) will be on hand to share his knowledge of Lithuania’s beer scene.

We’ll also chat with local brewers, including Scott Morrison, of brand-new Barren Hill Brewing; Dominic Capece, of Free Will; and Jeremy Myers, of Neshaminy Creek Brewing.

Naturally, there will be plenty of beer, with snacks, and an opportunity to enjoy the incredible craftsmanship of Lithuanian and American artists. Tix are $45. More show details here.

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THERE’S a brewery in Malvern making superb beer that you can’t buy – not for all the money in the world.

The ales are fermented with unusual yeast strains, then meticulously aged for months in wooden barrels and often blended before bottling. Those few who’ve been lucky enough to get a sip say that they’re on par with some of the most highly rated sour ales of Belgium, beers that often sell for $30 a bottle or more.

But put away your credit card. The only sure way to get a sip from La Cabra Brewing is if you get your name on an exclusive mailing list.

There’s another brewery in the Queen Village section of the city that gets glowing reviews on a beer-rating website. If you’re lucky, you might spot its brews at charity events and other festivals

Otherwise, you need a password to get a taste from Mellody Brewing Co.

Neither La Cabra nor Mellody are federally licensed breweries. They’re part of a young generation of so-called breweries-in-planning that are figuratively and literally testing the waters before formally opening for business.

In 2012, the Brewers Association reported that there were more than 1,200 breweries-in-planning nationwide, including about 60 in Pennsylvania.

Most of these wannabes are on paper only. But others are ambitious, if somewhat underground, operations that look and taste like the real thing.

As long as they don’t brew more than 200 gallons a year and, most importantly, don’t sell their product, they’re not breaking the law. Technically, they’re homebrewers.

But their operations go far beyond simple stovetop setups. Some have full business plans, logos, websites and high-tech brewhouses that put some professional systems to shame.

In Detroit, for example, Batch Brewing, which won’t open till next year, impressed locals so much with its beer and business plan, it pocketed a $50,000 retailing prize.

In Dauphin County, Alter Ego Brewing, also slated for a 2014 opening, is already being promoted as part of the Hershey Harrisburg Craft Beer Country tourism campaign.

Mellody Brewing, which has been “in planning” for about three years, boasts a full portfolio of seasonal and year-round brews with local names, including Pennsport Porter and Mummer Feathers pale ale.

“I do it for the feedback,” said Sean Mellody, 38, who is a marketing manager for an accounting firm.

“As a homebrewer,” he said, “I don’t think your family and friends will ever give you the honest truth. This way I can get feedback from people who know beer, but who don’t know me.”

Mellody’s beers have become so well-known at local charity events and other festivals, he’s already attracted more than 1,000 followers on Twitter.

He organized his most devoted fans, a tight group of 20, into a program called the Tasting Jawn. Mellody sends them freshly bottled, experimental styles, and they use a password to log on to his website and upload reviews under strict judging guidelines.

Similarly, Dan Popernack, of La Cabra, maintains a short email list of about 50 names.

Brewing out of a garage at his home across the street from the school where he works as an administrator, 28-year-old Popernack is perfecting a variety of barrel-aged ales. His complex Brettophile is a funky, mildly fruity ale fermented with, as its name suggests, Brettanomyces yeast. Villancico, a tart brown ale, is a blend that’s aged in oak barrels.

Whenever he has a stash of corked bottles, he sends out word to his email list.

“I don’t advertise. I don’t beat my own drum,” Popernack said. “But people will drive here and pick them up, and it just spreads through word of mouth.”

Indeed, reviews of his ales by enthusiasts from as far away as Texas have cropped up on RateBeer.com.

(A RateBeer editor told me that the reviews likely break the website’s rules, which stipulate that only commercial beers may be listed by users. He acknowledged in an email exchange, however, “It’s impressive that folks are so excited about these breweries that they’re already adding and reviewing them!”)

Mellody, whose beers have been reviewed on the Untappd smartphone app, said that he’s excited to see the response but that “it’s scary because what they’re tasting may not be the final product.”

Popernack added: “It’s great to get that kind of support. But then again, it’s free beer.”

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